Mind Hummus

So that's how it works

2012-02-25T22:54:00.000Z

An insight into one of nature's wonders..

Amazon review - Jurassic park

2012-02-23T09:12:00.000Z

It's review time again.

Jurassic Park [DVD] [1993]
Dvd ~ Sam Neill
Availability: Currently unavailable

4.0 out of 5 stars Jurassic park, 23 Feb 2012

This review is from: Jurassic Park [DVD] [1993] (DVD)

Set against the backdrop of the beef price crisis of the early nineties (think BSE), this is a sensitive film which explores one man's (David Attenborough) quest to feed his dinosaurs with live people instead of cows. Nowhere in the film is this better explored than in the first scene where the difficulty of feeding cows (expensive) to dinosaurs is contrasted with their obvious preference to human meat (cheap). It really is a brilliantly told movie, I prefer the DVD version over the bluray which for some reason is marred by the inclusion of several dream sequences which have nothing to do with the plot.

Bœufday

2012-02-06T11:46:00.000Z

Beef comes in many shapes and textures, yum!

While waiting to pick up my daughter from school, I overheard one of the "mums" talking very excitedly about how she was going to be having a "Burfday Party". I was a bit puzzled because I had never heard of such an event before but she was obviously looking forward to it very much.

A few minutes headscratching and a Google session later I found the answer: This is in fact a FRENCH celebration, and it is correctly pronounced "Bœufday". I never knew we had such connoisseurs locally, but I suppose in such a multicultural society it is to be expected.

Bœufday parties include eating a lot of beef on the day, including a special Beef 'cake', some corn beef hash. and if you are feeling adventurous some tender Kobe beef. Yummy. The traditional "carving of the cow" ceremony has been replaced with a fun piñata made of beef mince for the kids which of course contains oxo cubes, the original salty French treat!

I must ask her how it went...

Lost in google translate #2: Travis - Driftwood

2012-01-29T00:17:00.000Z

Passed through several languages backwards including Irish....

all open
Nothing is chiseled in stone
The river in the beach
Marine weather at home
Home is where the heart
But his mind was wandering
River Bridge
Please do not return
View Burning Bridges

You are swimming in the water driftwood
Break into pieces pieces pieces
Just driftwood, and everything
Falls are links that you get when you grind down

Everyone on the island
Everyone should be
Column, but butter
The Butter Flying
Download, with your mind.
But the heart grows
Lift under a bridge
Compared with the flow

And I do not think this is what
But is it really the end of the line
Unfortunately viewed as driftwood,
But a long, long time is needed to avoid.

There is a problem everywhere
Held in a safe place
Turn the push to talk
snow Shovelling
selected frozen
You want to move
Drifting now forever
And forever, in
Until you get to the beach.

You are swimming in the water driftwood
Break into pieces pieces pieces
Just driftwood, and everything
Falls are links that you get when you grind down

And I do not think this is what
But is it really the end of the line
Unfortunately viewed as driftwood,
But a long, long time is needed to avoid.
A long, long period,
In the long run
Under a change

Over dependance

2012-01-23T13:59:00.000Z

Here's a mini cartoon I just completed for my good friend, bandmate and all-round Urban-collaborator Mr Daniel Hillman. It's meant to illustrate the mostly one sided and over dependant relationship that commissioner Gordon has with the dark knight. You can check out Dan's blog - which is quite good too - for other stuff which is also good here: http://dansfrivolity.blogspot.com/

Alien vs Predator - the review.

2012-01-17T20:15:00.002Z

My new review is up:

Alien vs Predator [DVD]
Price: £5.69
Availability: In stock

3.0 out of 5 stars Not bad but nothing like the other film, 17 Jan 2012

This review is from: Alien vs Predator [DVD] (DVD)

I bought this film for my son because he is a big fan of the previous film, so this is as much his review as mine. He was excited at first but after about half an hour it became obvious that it he didn't like it, and he said that he didn't want to watch it anymore, we tried to convince him to give it a chance and that maybe it would get better but he was very insistent and even started screaming. Later I watched it myself to try and find out what he didn't like about it, and I think I can see why. 1: It's not CGI, this time it's all live action. 2: The characters look completely different. 3: There's absolutely no comedy in it and 4: No Reese Witherspoon. All in all, I wouldn't say it's a terrible film, but it's nothing like monsters vs aliens at all and from our experience definitely not for young children.

Guide to signs - Queues unlikely

2012-01-09T16:39:00.000Z

Star Wars IV - The review

2012-01-06T09:35:00.000Z

Yet again modern technology gets in the way of blogging.. Namely Glitch and Skyrim, but I'm back with another post finally. I decided to give my review of Star Wars IV "A new hope" to Amazon under my reviewer alias of Daakhelmit. Enjoy.

Awful, looks like it was filmed in the 70s, 1 Jan 2012

Daakhelmit (UK) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Limited Edition, Includes Theatrical Version) [DVD] (DVD)

I really enjoyed the phantom menace with its amazing story and charachters so I was really excited when I found out george Lucas had made a new Star Wars film "Episode 4 anew hope", I don't know why he decided why he made episode 4 next? maybe he'll make 2 and 3 later, although I think it's a bit weird to do it like that

Anyway, what do I think of a new hope? compared to Phantom menace it's awful, the CGI spaceships look rubbish like they are made of plastic, the special affects are really bad and the whole thing looks like it was filmed in the 70s or something. The plot is aweful and doesn't make any sense and is totally contradictory and weird.

What happens: **SPOILERS**

Darth Maul is back which I am really pleased about because he was my favourite character from the first film and I was really upset when he got killed nearly at the end of the film, aparrently he didn't die but was rescued and put back together by the empire and now he has to wear a suit and helmit and he can't do the gimnastic fights anymore, he is trying to capture princesses for a project called "the rebel alliance" that he is doing, although it's not very well explained at all.

Anakin (annie) has grown up now (he's about 35) and has moved back to tatooine for some reason to live with his cousins(?) on a farm, although he doesn't really like it there at all, I like the actor (mark hamlyn) who they got to play Anakin because he has the same hair

C3P0 and R2D2 come to see anakin but he doesn't recognise them and they don't even remember him!? then they all go to see Obi wankenobi who doesn't seem to know them either (although he might just be pretending.) I didn't like the actor they got to play Obi wan, he doesn't look anything like Ewan mcgregor, ewan mcgregor never had a beard for a start, also his scottish accent is rubbish.but he does a very good job though of showing obiwan as a really horrible person who is really only out to hurt people and cause trouble.

after this there is a complicatid plot where anakin has his cousins killed while he is "out of the area" and then him and obiwan destroy the evidence by killing all the witnesses and burning them. I found this scene quite distressing.

Because they are at a loose end they go to a pub to decide the next move and obiwan uses a jedi mind trick to get anakin into a fight which means he gets to use his light sabar, they then meet ham and his girlfriend chewy, Im not sure what she's doing in this film as she doesn't really do or say much.

ham tells them they are doing a race in the millenial falcon and anakin and obiwan say they will help them, then Ham accidentally shoots the bar owner while he is fiddling with his gun and so they have to make a run for it.

While they are in space obiwan plays a trick on them by telling them to fly towards a moon which is really darth mauls spaceship, their ship gets captured and obiwan runs off, ham and anakin decide to have some fun and kill a couple of soldiers and steal their uniforms.then they go on a rampage killing lots of people, damaging sensitive equipment and even kidnapping a princess from her bedroom.

then theyescape but obiwan has to fight darth maul, but just as darth is about to kill him though he uses a jedi teleport trick and teleports himself into the cupboard in the millenium falcon. Anakin thinks he has been killed and is really upset but obiwan plays along with this to trick anakin and hides from him for the rest of the film, he even sneaks on board anakins spaceship later and pretends to be a disembodied voice.

Dart maul chases them but can't keep up because his ship isnt very airodynamic but anakin decides that the best thing is to destroy the spaceship by firing an explosive pokeball in the exhaust, this felt very much like george lucas was ripping off independence day and at this point I had lost interest in the film and switched it off.

I was very disappointed and would give it half a star if amazon allowed it, I mean seriously george how on earth did you mess up the sequel to phantom menace? Also I think that because of the rubbish story and problems with the plot that it's not really for kids.

Guide to signs - No return

2011-11-02T14:29:00.000Z

Tuesday Haiku - Bag-for-life.

2011-11-01T16:44:00.000Z

If I should die,

Please bury me,

In a bag-for-life.

In showbiz news today!

2011-10-30T09:13:00.000Z

Mad Max has confirmed that he is working on a new film in which he will reprise his role as his popular character "Mel Gibson". Although he was not giving much away at this stage, he did reveal that the film will be set in post-apocalyptic medieval Scotland and will be called "Madheart".

Serving suggestion

2011-10-18T20:20:00.000+01:00

Remember, it's just a suggestion!

Talking to builders - The guide pt.1

2011-10-17T11:33:00.002+01:00

Builders waiting for a cup of tea

The first thing that you need to know about builders is that most of them suffer from a recognised condition called O.T. (Occupational Tourette's), which causes them to liberally insert expletives into their speech. The expletives don't mean anything to the builders and serve no real function other than to pad out what would otherwise be very short, boring sentences.

So if you see a group of builders talking to eachother, don't be alarmed. They are not swearing AT eachother, they are swearing WITH eachother.

Note! It is not necessary to swear when talking to a builder, you will still be understood, but it is advisable to use small* words, having a children's dictionary with you can be very useful.

If you want to get a builder's attention you have several options:

1: Use the all-purpose "'scuse me mate", or if addressing a group "Awright lads"

2: Take a guess at the builder's name. this is not as hard as it sounds as 87% of builders are called Pete, with the remaining 20% being either Dave, Rob, John, Paul, Dan, Mike or a similar name of the same length* just keep stabbing away until you get a reaction, even easier if there is a group of them!

Note! There are some builders with longer names but invariably you will find they are not proper builders, just normal people who have decided to learn a trade.

3: Refer to them by trade. If you can identify the role of the builder/tradesman in question you can usually get away with using the following:

Electrician - "Sparks"
Plumber - "Tube"
Plasterer - "Spread"
Carpenter - "Chippy"
Bricklayer - "Bricker"
General builder - "Grunt"

And finally, as soon as a tradesmen enters your residence remember to offer them a hot drink such as tea or coffee, and repeat at 20 minute intervals. Studies have shown that the amount and quality of tea provided will directly affect the amount and quality of work done**.

*Of one syllable

**Newton's inverse-beverage law

Fairtrade

2011-10-12T15:53:00.000+01:00

The top twelve "things you don't usually find labelled 'Fairtrade'"

1. Slaves
2. Guns
3. Marijuana
4. Tarmac
5. Gravy
6. Chainmail
7. Moonrocks
8. Laminate flooring
9. Ice cubes
10. Combine Harvesters
11. Yorkshire puddings
12. Petrol

Guide to signs - The North (And more!)

2011-10-10T14:38:00.001+01:00

I'm still alive! I've just discovered Glitch... (www.glitch.com) and have been spending the last few days staying as many levels ahead of my good friend and bandmate Dan as possible :S - If you haven't already done so why not check out his excellent blog "experts guide to idiocy" here http://dansfrivolity.blogspot.com/

Anyway... has anybody noticed how "vague" some roadsigns can be? It seems the farther you are from a place, the less detail you need to be given... Almost like distance blur..

Guide to signs - Laser wasps

2011-10-01T17:36:00.000+01:00

Pests at home - Spidamax

2011-09-30T22:38:00.000+01:00

The Managing director
Pests at Home Ltd
Epsom Ave
Stanley Green
Handforth
Cheshire
SK9 3RN

Dear sir,

Salutations to you! I would be very grateful if you can give me your thoughts on my latest cage design for spiders. I'm sure I'm onto a winner with this one, and as one who owns countless spiders (in the house, shed and car) I think I'm in tune with what spiders really want.

Below is my vision of the "spidamax arachnohutch", I'm sure you will agree that it's a super bit of kit and I look forward to doing business with you and churning out the first batch!

Yours sinceriously
Fraser Van Norton.

Leg end:
1 - Wingnuts
2 - Wing mirror/living pod (spiders LOVE wing mirrors)
3 - Practice flies
4 - Sturdy wire frame construction
5 - Grit
6 - Meat to attract flies (food)
7 - Miniature Skyscrapers
8 - Model human face (for scrambling practice)

Guide to signs - Predators have priority

2011-09-29T16:17:00.000+01:00

Poem - Windbreak

2011-09-28T08:00:00.004+01:00

I think I broke the wind today,
Like the seal on an out of date jar of madras.
The people in this cupboard with me,
Faces contorted like caricatures of themselves.
Their mothers warned them what happens,
When the wind changes....

Guide to signs - Cliff

2011-09-27T11:20:00.001+01:00

Tetris Funerals

2011-09-25T22:30:00.001+01:00

The idea: The family of the deceased choose which shape "Tetrad" they would like their loved one buried in (body to be posed accordingly), then during the service they can rotate and place the coffin so that it fits neatly in with previous burials. By so doing they may get rid of 'lines' which explode clearing space for future burials and earning them a discount!

Pros:

1) Tetris coffins save space!
2) Tetris funerals are fun!

Cons:

1) Potentially messy and disturbing
2) Failure to stack properly could lead to "graveyard overload" and potential small thermonuclear explosion

Guide to signs - Sticklebrick Land

2011-09-23T09:59:00.001+01:00

Marry-o

2011-09-21T18:39:00.003+01:00

Super Mario themed wedding: The groom (dressed as Mario) must travel to seven different registry offices before he finds the one which his bride is in, all the while being pelted with mushrooms.

Pros: Nostalgic

Cons: Difficult to organise.

Guide to signs - Elderly Conga Line

2011-09-20T17:03:00.000+01:00

Droids in the house

2011-09-19T17:23:00.004+01:00

If C3PO and R2D2 were household items, R2D2 would be a swiss army knife and C3PO would be a spatula..

Honestly, what is the point of building a humanoid type droid that can balance well enough on two legs but then totally cripple him by designing his limbs so that the only thing he would be any good at would be planking?..

R2D2 was like Lara Croft compared, he could get around a lot faster on his little Heelys and could even bring a cuppa up to you in bed, as long as you didn't mind the smell of burning carpet... C3PO though was redundant unless you had a bungalow and even then you'd come back from a 2 week holiday to find him in bits all over the kitchen floor, having fallen over the day after you went away...

Guide to signs - Hidden dip

2011-09-16T16:14:00.000+01:00

The long arm of the law

2011-09-15T21:11:00.002+01:00

Meet.... Elastacop!

Panorama

2011-09-12T21:51:00.001+01:00

On Panorama tonight...

This is Jim*, he suffers from chronic LOL, an antisocial and embarrasing illness similar to Tourette's, which causes him to shy away from public spaces.

In some cases chronic LOL can also progress into ROFL - similar to epilepsy - or even full blown LMAO which in time can lead to the sufferer losing their entire Gluteus Maximus...

*Names have been kept the same

Guide to signs - Transporter accident black spot

2011-09-11T21:54:00.000+01:00

Un-fortune cookies #3

2011-09-09T08:00:00.002+01:00

"Many people will stop drinking Dr. Pepper after the details of your death are made public."

"On September the 14th 2016, a terrible event will befall you which can only be avoided if (continued in next cookie..)"

Guide to signs - Epic hair

2011-09-08T15:58:00.001+01:00

Desert island miscs

2011-09-07T15:10:00.002+01:00

The three things I will be taking to my desert island:

1: Genie

2: Backup Genie 1

3: Backup Genie 2

The wordcloud experiment - U Can't Touch This

2011-09-06T21:16:00.004+01:00

What was MC Hammer thinking when he came up with his legendary hit? We reveal....

Guide to signs - Calcium

2011-09-05T08:00:00.001+01:00

Lost in translate - Bootylicious

2011-09-04T12:24:00.003+01:00

The idea - take a song, flush it through a few different languages in Google Translate, then back to English...

Destiny's Child - Bootylicious:

Kelly can handle?
Michelle, can deal with it?
Beyonce can handle?
I tried it, do not

Go to
A 'sexy Lookin' fly Watch
Within a girl villain girl
DJ jam tonight Lyrics

My name Supottidoketsu
Where will you get your child
Want to dance?
They tried me, be treated?

They're better than me
If you want to dance with me tonight
Can I use my jelly
If you want to dance with me tonight

If you see something that you look at the products
To prove that I hang out, go and Groove
I refuse to research, so I'm afraid
Belt Buckle, it's time to start

I hope you ready for this jelly I do not think
I hope you ready for this jelly I do not think
I do not think this is ready
My body is too cute for Asia Bootylicious

I hope you ready for this jelly I do not think
I hope you ready for this jelly I do not think
I do not think this is ready
My body is too cute for Asia Bootylicious...

Guide to signs - Giant sleepy tree-eating fish

2011-09-03T18:03:00.004+01:00

Un-fortune cookies #2

2011-09-02T22:20:00.002+01:00

"Your arm will fall off at an inconvenient moment."

"You will eventually have success in losing weight. Skeletons don't weigh very much at all."

Guide to signs - Invisibility liquid

2011-08-31T21:10:00.003+01:00

I'm republishing my world famous guide to signs collection here, enjoy.

Un-fortune cookies

2011-08-30T20:46:00.001+01:00

"You will be awarded £3650 for a forthcoming accident, which you will not survive."

"0.01% of germs will find you and kill you."

"You will die alone in space."

"Your death will be in vain."

"You will forget to put on clean underwear the day you get run over."

New Star Wars Vid - The compactor

2011-08-30T17:51:00.004+01:00

What happens in the compactor, stays in the compactor...

Non-non-conformism

2011-08-29T17:00:00.003+01:00

Man A: "You should become a non-conformist, like me!"

Man B: "No"

Star wars - Return of the gas bill

2011-08-28T22:02:00.004+01:00

In space there is no sound... So why is it so noisy when George Lucas farts?

We ask what if?